Saturday, February 26, 2011
A little Rose-bud pep talk!
I have been trying really hard to stay on task with the good eating, exercise, drinking water, etc. I have met my goals successfully this week, in fact exceeded them some days. One day, I exercised out more calories than I took in. Way to go Rose-bud! Right? Well, the frustrating part is that I have gained back 3 lbs! What's with that!!! Seriously! I have been so good! B-day party snacks offered: nachos, carrots, celery, cake and ice cream, water. I chose water and celery...where's the pay off?
Here's where I have a choice. I can choose to feel like a failure, feel frustrated and give up, or...I can choose to have hope and be realistic. This is where I turn to the lessons I have learned in life and apply them to myself. You see, through all the challenges I have faced in my life, one of them is that I want everything on my own time schedule. When it seems I am conquering a certain challenge, I expect to always make progress, or at least see the progress. I have expectations, and when those expectations aren't met, it's easy to get frustrated, depressed or hopeless. If you're shooting baskets with a basketball, how many times are you going to miss the basket before you give up. You know that if you keep trying, eventually you will get better and more consistent...and perhaps if you just change something about your shot, you'll be more successful!
So, I choose... to believe that what my body was thinking and what I was thinking were two different things. My body was not used to the more nutritious intake and the sudden change was a shock to it. It's taking a little bit longer to adjust to the healthy changes I'm making. So, patience in the process! Just a little Attitude Adjustment, right?
I have to take the same Attitude Adjustment with Jake and his chemo. He is suppose to have a long, overnight chemo session every three weeks. We were given a schedule (and expectation) that chemo would be over with by April 12, 2011. But if his counts are not high enough, we have to postpone another week, so it sets back the day chemo is over. He has had no chemo during the month of February! So far, his chemo has been set back to May 1st. As a mother, many of you can relate to the heartache of being the caregiver of a sick child. Nothing you can do to make it all better, and sometimes you have to be the one that inflicts the pain your child has to endure to help them get through the illness. As I'm sitting here writing this, I'm having a good cry session (a good 4 tissues so far)...which tells me that I've been bottling up some feelings. It's good to cry sometimes, not because you feel sorry for your self, but it's a way to process sorrow and grief...and pain.
There! I've owned my feelings today...my feelings, my body and my heart. I've done some great things this week! I've made some very healthy choices, which means that I CAN DO THIS!!! Planning ahead is key for me!
Thank you for being there for me and for letting me have my little therapy session this morning. I feel much better now!
Posted by Rose at 2:01 PM