Saturday, September 11, 2010

Can I just vent?

Do you ever have a week that just seems hard? Maybe it's nothing out of the ordinary, just hard. I have to keep reminding myself that life wasn't intended to be easy...that would take all the fun out of it. Mama Haas, I really liked your quote. It got me thinking about some problems I am dealing with and how I expect a single action to fix everything, but that's not how things work. In order to loose weight we have to be consistently good about what we put in our bodies, and the same concept applies for any other result we are striving for.

So, here's what's got me down...
I found out that my 6 year old has been getting in trouble every day at school, since school began on Tuesday. He's beating himself up over it, and so am I. I'm not sure what to do, or what's going on...but I do know I am going to have to request a meeting with his teacher and shoulder the weight of it on my own since my honey is out for a bit. This really stresses me out. I often jump to conclusions...and the voice in my mind sounds like this...

"He's going to struggle through school, drop out, and be homeless."

Silly, I know, but with a husband who's too busy to talk at the moment, I find my sounding board of reason temporarily missing.

He's a good kid, but he's impulsive too...just like me. Last year his teacher was so patient and loving toward him. This year, from what I know about this teacher, it's going to be a different story. He also has a snorting issue, one we have been trying to get to the bottom of for the past 2 years. We have been doing allergy shots for the past year to try and help him, but it hasn't made a difference. I just took him to the ent this week, and hopefully we will get some answers. The girl who sits next to him in class was making fun of him, and on Friday, while she was teasing him, my son responded to her by telling her he couldn't help his snorting, and the teacher caught him talking and sent him out of the classroom to sit in the hall. He's so down on himself, and his behavior this weekend has been just horrible.

Do you have any advice?

Anyway, thanks for listening and being my sounding board. I feel better.


  1. Marci- I feel your pain. My oldest is struggling and I don't know how to help her. Neither does her therapist. It's been a tremendously difficult year for our family. I wish I had some magic button that could take it all away, take away her pain and her sadness. The best I can do is remind her how very much she is loved through words and deeds, and try to help her find the the lesson that God wants us to learn through this trial. It's horrible. And it makes no sense to a 9 year old. She doesn't understand why God isn't answering her prayers. She's losing faith and I don't know how to make it stop.

  2. Oh Mindy, it's so hard to see our kids go through this. You just want to take it away. How have you coped with it? I can't seem to stop the tears, and they turn on so easily. His self esteem is so low and he is so hard on himself, which makes him act up even more. I will try to build him up. Thanks for the advice. I'll pray for you and your family.

  3. This is a tough one. I guess my gut would say to focus on the good behaviors everyday and build little by little. I am struggling with one of mine too. I long for him to have a friend in school and an activity that he enjoys. The other day I asked him to do me a favor and smile at someone at school for no reason. He did. That was our one thing that day.

    I would also see if it makes sense to meet with the guidance counselor at school for ideas on what to do at home for him. I know I'm planning on doing that soon. Those are free resources for us...we should use them (can you tell I'm giving myself a little pep talk here too).

  4. I remember once listening to a good friend of mine, whose children were now grown and having children of their own, how she once had to take her son to the doctor for some abuse he suffered from bullies at school. The doctor, besides patching up some minor injuries on her son's body, also told her how critically important it was that her son had a safe place at home, and that she should take comfort in providing that for him. That no matter how hard the world is outside, that at least her son had a place where he was loved and was safe. That has always stuck in my head, that while we do have to make rules and set boundaries for our children at home, that we also can be the place where they feel safe and are loved and appreciated, no matter the storms outside.

    Have you considered home schooling for a while? I keep hearing of more and more parents who are taking this road for their elementary-age children. There are a lot of resources and help for parents these days, and I bet there are a lot of good parents in your area who you can network with to provide your child with the needed socialization once or twice a week, whatever you and other home-schoolers decide to do.

    I was seriously considering doing this for my Connor, age 5, who just started kindergarden this week. He has displayed some difficulty with the structured environment of a classroom at church for the past year and a half, and also had a really hard day the first day of swim lessons this summer. I was really anxious as school approached, and I thought, "If it's really bad, I might home-school him or even hold him back a year." Sure enough, the first day this week was horrible. He wouldn't keep his shoes on (I sent him in flip-flops because I couldn't find his tennis shoes), he freaked out when he couldn't have the blue pair of scissors and hid under the table, and also ran back into the school and hid in the classroom in the middle of recess (hiding is his favorite defense mechanism.) I just stood there shaking my head, as I listened to the teacher describe his day. "Oh, boy, here we go," I thought, "Well, let's give it a week, and see if it gets any better." His dad and I talked to him after school, setting down rules, and laying out rewards and punishments for behavior at school.

    He had a different teacher the next day (they rotate the 3 kindergarden classes between the 3 kindergarden teachers the first week, to evaluate the different learning levels and personalities, then form the permanent classes at the end of the week.) It went great! She said he did really well. I was so relieved! The next day was with the third teacher and that went well, too, though there were some very minor issues. On Friday, he wound up with the teacher from the second day. She seemed to have the most experience, and be the most comfortable with him, and on Friday she said he did just fine. So, at this point things look like a "go." We'll see how the rest of the school year goes.

    But I was ready to look into home schooling. I used to roll my eyes at it, and think people were kind of weird for doing it. But, now I think it's just another option for families and kids, nothing strange, especially if it is going to suit your child's needs the best.

  5. I am so sorry! Don't be afraid to take him out of her class. I have had to talk to teachers like this before and approach is everything! I talked with one kindly but told her how my daughter was feeling so worthless in her class. She was shocked. It wasn't the BEST year BUT she had no idea what she was doing to her until I talked with her. It did get better.

    I hope you find answers. Your son is at such an important time in his life where self esteem is #1.

    Good luck :)

  6. Everyone has given great advice! I have a disabled son and a son with some definite adhd problems (except that the medicine makes him extremely angry, so I stopped giving it to him, so now we're dealing with that). The teacher needs to be aware, and if she's not willing to help, you need to change teachers. We had the exact same problem in 4th and 5th grade. It's very hard to watch your kid struggle emotionally and socially.

    Just as a note, my brother has Tourette's. It's usually diagnosed around 6 or 7. In fact, I know 4 boys in our ward with Tourette's. My brother had a lot of ticks when he was little, snorting was one of them. But now he only has one or two, and you can only tell when he's stressed. I'm not trying to give you more to worry about, but just something that might be missed by parents and doctors.