Sunday, August 29, 2010

The LOW down

This weekend it happened. It has happened on a smaller scale a few times but this time I honestly feel like giving up and quitting. I get tired of being good, tired of depriving myself, tired of spending my days struggling to maintain control and yet feeling like at any moment I am going to snap and go off the edge. Counting calories and my health seem to consume my thoughts and I just want to rebel and not think about it anymore. Does this make sense to anyone else?

Lately, I feel like my healthy weight is unattainable. Logically I know this isn't true but I just can't seem to convince myself of this. There are a few things I know are contributing to my frustration. One being that I have been on a weight plateau for two months now but poor sleep and that time of the month I know are contributing as well.

I don't want to be a quitter and give up but I might need to approach this differently. I am taking myself out of the rest of this challenge, not to give myself an excuse to go hog wild but because I feel like I need to step away from the numbers. Maybe this is the wrong way to go about things but I am going to try it. Sorry for the vent session, but writing this has actually seemed to help.

Don't worry, I'm not giving up just taking a small sabbatical while I figure things out.


  1. Cammy, some times it does get very daunting doesn't it? Take a small break, and then jump aboard again. After time and a few more needed breaks, it will feel more like habit and less like torture. You are amazing Cammy. Maybe we all should give ourselves a break during that "time of month" thingie that makes us so crazy!!!

    Love you Cammy, come back soon!

  2. Cammy, I'm with you on that one. I needed to focus intently on one of my children this past week to the exclusion of journaling and calorie counting. Some weeks are just like that.

  3. I feel confident Cammy that your healthy weight is attainable. You've worked very hard and made progress unfortunately plateaus are part of the game plan. DO take a break and rejuvenate and then get back in the saddle again. THAT time of the month brings on wacky and discouraging thoughts. One of the great blessings of menopause is PMS and huge mood swings goes away or at least it has for me. YOU are beautiful, amazing and a friend, please don't be gone too long.

  4. Cammy, I understand how the counting on everything can make your mind go crazy. Take the time you need, but don't leave us. We need you.

  5. I know it's probably been said a million times, and then some, but it's still completely true. Eccl. 3:1 - "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." There are so many good things to be focusing on in our lives, and we each have a certain amount of time and energy to devote to those good things. Sometimes our focus has to be on other things, because there will always be more good things to do than there is time and energy for. Prioritizing becomes necessary, for everyone, especially when we have children at home. I know I haven't achieved all I thought I could this summer, because I spent most of my time helping my kids, exercising at the gym, and trying to generate some income to pay bills.

    I happen to be at a time and place in my life, where the stars have aligned, so to speak, for this new focus on my health. Two months ago, I was just ready, really, really ready for the changes required to adopt a healthy lifestyle. I had the mental focus and desire necessary to make hard changes.

    But I certainly didn't six months ago. No way. I was a basket case. Truly. I lay in my bed nearly every day crying alone, trying not to let anyone see how upset I was all the time, begging Heavenly Father to take me back home because I was done being a failure, feeling worthless all the time. But the tiny little fire inside never quite went out, and when I was finally ready to give up wallowing, feeling sorry for myself, and ready to give up beating myself up every day, an oddly destructive indulgence I wasn't willing to let go of, then I became open to change, really deep change. And I think that's why I'm so focused right now, and I find the calorie counting a pleasure, something I need to do for myself every day.

    Lasting change can be preceded by many short-term attempts, which at the time can feel like failures. But I think it's just a process of slowly building up the strength towards that final push when change becomes truly permanent. We are just building our muscles during these little attempts at change. Have faith that each time we learn a little more, gain a little more experience, a little more strength, a little more understanding, until finally the bucket overflows and becomes a steady stream of life-giving water in our souls. Believe that you can do it, never give up, and some day you truly will.

  6. Cammy, I've been thinking about you all day after I read your post right before I went to church. I think everyone has said great things here. The only thing that I'd like to add is sometimes we need to focus less on our weight and more on how we feel. It's one of the reasons I wanted everyone to start taking measurements so they could have another point of reference.

    Focus on being healthy and the rest will fall into place.

  7. Thank you everyone for all your encouraging words. There is such a wealth of advice and knowledge here which is part of the reason I posted. You have all given me a lot to think about as I regroup and form a new game plan. Don't worry I am not going far just taking a break from the numbers part of this.