The past several months have been a difficult time in my life and I have found myself longing for the days when I felt full (no pun intended). When I felt blessed at every turn and I could think of little else (besides money, but who doesn't want that?) that I needed in my life to feel complete. I have been struggling to find joy and the ability to look forward to the coming years.
Today as I walked in the cool morning air I listened to the BYU Men's Chorus on my iPod. The Lord answered my prayers with The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
I have experienced a lot of humility lately, recognizing in myself the tendency to judge. What vanity it is to think that my way is the superior way, to not recognize that each of God's children has the right of free agency to maneuver through their trials in their own way, and that God has infinite love and patience for them. I have seen how withholding unconditional love prevents our loved ones from reaching their full potential, but with our faithful love, they can become all that God has in store for them.
I have been pretty self-absorbed for a long time and it is time to shine forth with God's light and be an instrument in His hand. I hope that I can bring comfort to those that are hurting and that I can weave into my character a tendency to put others' needs before my own.