There are many things I don't know, like what's for dinner, anything celebrity related, or quantum mechanics.
There are a few things that I sort of know, for instance, when my husband is going to be home from work, what time the baby is going to wake up from his nap, or what my daughter's favorite movie of the week will be.
And then there are the things I know. I know that I just had a baby 5 weeks ago. I know that he is my fourth baby, second c-section. I know that I have a big rope of scar tissue I can feel inside me. I know that my 5'2" frame carried a 9 1/2 pound, 21 1/2" long baby. I know that my stomach muscles have been stretched beyond what should be possible, then cut open and sewn back together. I know I have 15-20 pounds to lose. I know it's ALWAYS taken about 18 months before I finish losing all my baby weight. I know I have a thyroid disease, lupus, and arthritis.
Yet despite all this knowledge, I'm incredibly frustrated that I'm not losing any weight. In fact, despite the scale glued to the same number for the past 5 weeks, I feel like I'm even fatter now than when I went in to have my baby. Now I know that it takes time to recover, especially after a c-section and a 4th baby, blah, blah, blah. I'm impatient. I'm annoyed that it's freezing cold outside and I can't take my 1 month old and 4 year old out to do my preferred form of exercise, walking (actually, I really like to jump rope, but my knees are too bad to do anything but walk). I feel like I'll never fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, and I don't want to buy any "fat" clothes, even though I only have 2 pairs of "pants" that fit. One is a pair of black pajama bottoms and the other is a pair of super old yoga pants that have holes and paint all over them. And my boobs are falling out of the only bra I have (which was also a pre-pregnancy "skinny" bra-not that my boobs will ever be considered "skinny" by any stretch of the imagination. The underwire of my favorite bra snapped two days before I had my boy. In any case, all these things that I know, are not easing my frustrations. Like I said, I'm impatient. *BIG sigh*
Oh yeah, we renamed our kid Daniel Wyatt, we're calling him Wyatt.
Daniel Wyatt- Is that your final answer?
ReplyDelete;)
After reading your post I just wanted to reach through my computer and give you a huge hug! Sorry things have been rough lately.
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, hang in there. The majority of us here can relate at least to some of what you are going through. Please vent all you need to. Big hugs coming your way!
ReplyDeleteJen, those post recovery weeks, no, I mean months, are definitely rough. No question about it. For me it was the sleep deprivation that consistently put me over the edge.
ReplyDeleteTry to remember that the days are long but the years are short. Your body may think it needs the extra pounds. Like you, I have thyroid issues and I remember that post-partem, it took me quite some time (especially with nursing) to re-regulate my body.
We are cheering for you to feel healthier and happier and this is what I know: that it WILL happen slowly and surely. But be gentle and kind to yourself first.
JENN! yes, this is me yelling your name. take a big breath and slow down. Enjoy the fact that you have to stay in your house for a few months, eat healthy, enjoy your little ones, and in a few more weeks maybe start thinking about push ups and such that you can do inside. you're little body had a BIG baby and it's going to take time for your body to rebound...don't rush things.
ReplyDeleteHere is another big hug and me wishing you luck. Work on the other aspects of being healthy and don't worry about the scale just yet.
Oh Jenn, I do feel and understand your frustration, of course you want instant change, who wouldn't after a fourth pregnancy?
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself, go and buy one good fitting bra, it will lift you up both physically and mentally.
I know you don't want to buy a large size wardrobe but consider maybe a compfy pair of black sweat pants, something clean and fresh to start walking in when the weather improves.
Give your body a few more weeks to heal and then if you have a Wii fit start doing the exercise that your body and arthritis will allow you to do.
In the meantime enjoy that sweet new big boy, Daniel Wyatt....are you sure that's his name? :-)
You can rant on us anytime, we're on your side!